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Wednesday, January 5th, 2011

A few years ago, spammers were MUCH more creative. They actually assigned themselves very amusing names. I am not sure if one person was generating the creative names or more than one. I made a list of them, as they amused me. Anything that amuses me is worth noting in the world of sourpusses. I am sharing the list with you and hope it will bring a smile or two. Some are clever.

1) Disclaiming P. Jitters
2) Profiles T. Inkiest
3) Blair D. Penultimate
4) Sowers U. Simplification
5) Eva H. Napalmed
6) Negation T. McGee
7) Reviler I. Junco
8) Dwarf Q. Ironic
9) Octette U. Sidled
10) Teepee E. Hereupon
11) Gawkies G. Vein
12) Saxophonist H. Reference
13) Domesticating T. Gazillion
14) Sparsely P. Prelate
15) Shaver Uncheckered
16) Propositioned Backlash
17) Lucretia Lopsided
18) Galvanometer P. Recaps
19) Breath R. Wherever
20) Easter H. Roundhouse
21) Optically C. Macing
22) Collossus R. Prosceniums
23) Graciela D. Macbeth
24) Airtight Juarez
25) Vichyoisse D. Incredible
26) Freezer U. Cleanliness
27) Nineteen C. Mich
28) Needlepoint U. Rebellion
29) Stapler M. Modernist
30) Pomposity T. Crossbreed
31) Panty R. Undertones
32) Grimed T. Misplace
33) Massiveness L. Confectioner
34) Doloritas Chaptman
35) Malcolm V. Jesting
36) Frederick Crabtree
37) Pitiful A. Southpaws
38) Muskiness Q. Tester
39) Trickery C. Spitz

Now, what happened to #40, just to round out the list? Did this poor soul stray from a life of spoofery to actually get a real job? One wonders! Did a tornado take him away? Did the roof fall in? Was he caught in a flood? Was he deported? We can only imagine the sad fate of this creative soul. We miss him. Wouldn’t some of these names be great on a fictitious autograph quilt. My favorite is “Lucretia Lopsided” and a close second would be “Airtight Juarez.”

Cheers!

Pat

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Thursday, October 8th, 2009

Do you remember the last time something struck you as really funny … and you could barely stop laughing? Does it surprise you to find out that the reasons people laugh have changed a great deal, over time? Have you ever analyzed those reasons?

This past few months, we have attended several lectures that, more or less, centered around the theme of why people laugh. Sex, religion, infidelity and its results, nonsense songs, and politics all rank high on the list. Stereotypes such as the Jewish mother can figure highly, in comedy routines.

Much of America’s sense of humor stems from early British humor. In fact, British humor has helped to craft what we find funny today. For example, I love Monty Python’s irreverent approach and find “The Lumberjack Song” to be hilarious. Likewise, Hyacinth and her buddies of the TV British comedy, “Keeping Up Appearances,” provide comic relief. Anyone who is pretentious is a good target, as are bumbling politicians who mispronounce words, or introduce some of their own made-up words, in speeches.

Slapstick comedy, like “The Three Stooges” is something that many people found funny, and Charlie Chaplin, before them. Today, people are encouraged to send in funny videotapes to a television show, and we all laugh … at the expense of someone’s accident or mishap.

Television commercials with jingles we can’t forget, or with slapstick humor, or some added and unexpected feature, can make us laugh.

One TV jingle that I really enjoyed remembering has to do with a dog product (for fleas?). One can replace words, which is exactly what the singer/presenter does, when he visits with children in school musical programs. He allows the kids to insert words that rhyme.

Here we go with a couple of examples:

“There ain’t so buy viagra canada online pharmacy on me, there ain’t no buy viagra canada online pharmacy on me, there might be ticks on some of you buy viagra canada online pharmacy but there ain’t no buy viagra canada online pharmacy on me.”

“There ain’t no buy viagra canada online pharmacy on me. There ain’t no buy viagra canada online pharmacy on me. There might be bugs on some of you buy viagra canada online pharmacy, but there ain’t no buy viagra canada online pharmacy on me.” etc.

My brother used to sing a song about the Salvation Army. I doubt that it was written by a member. He would sing it loudly, in his deep voice, and always make me smile! The lyrics go:

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Last night, we heard a recorded version of a once popular song about a Scotsman wearing a kilt. He had a little too much to drink and some passing lassies approached him as he laid, passed out. They were curious as to what he wore under the kilt. They found he was wearing nothing except that with which he was born, so mischievously, they tied a blue ribbon on what they discovered. When he awoke, he stumbled to the nearest tree to “go,” and found the ribbon. He exclaimed, “I don’t know where you’ve been, but at least you’ve won a ribbon!”

We love having our awareness expanded about all sorts of things! Humor is an interesting topic!

The only song I recognized in the collection of early “Wacky” songs played the other night was the “Too Fat Polka.” I know the song all too well. When I was dating, my boyfriend’s mother, who was very overweight herself, always played this song. She would sing along to a recording. “She’s too fat, she’s too fat, she’s too fat for me – Hey!” So, yes, for many decades, people have made fun of body size.

I remember a song about short people. Being tall, I rather liked it, but if I were short, I wouldn’t enjoy someone singing about “nasty little feet.” It’s all in the perception of the listener, I suppose. I see humor in many situations, as well as irony and wit. Someone once said that it takes intelligence to understand humor. That could be true.

There is also situational humor, based on surprise. I’ll never forget the time that a niece of mine and I were visiting the San Diego Zoo. There was a school yard that was visible from the two-tiered bus available to ride around the enormous zoo. Three little boys would wait for the bus to appear, and in unison, would turn their backs and drop their drawers, thereby “mooning” us. It was a hilarious moment!

Another outrageous scene was a guy in the car next to us on the freeway, sucking on a baby pacifier, and looking at us like we were the crazy ones!

Whatever you do, keep laughin’ and keep smilin’ – It’s the real thing, baby!

Patricia Cummings

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Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

Charles E. Clark, Ph.D. asked himself, “What Makes People Laugh?” and then launched into a review of periodicals to find jokes and humorous stories published in early New England during the 1790s and beyond.

His talk, “What New Hampshire Thought Funny Two Hundred Years Ago,” is a program sponsored by the New Hampshire Humanities Council. We heard this lecture at the Libby Museum in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire on August 11, 2009. All talks in this series repeat in various New Hampshire locations.

Libby Museum, Wolfeboro

Libby Museum, Wolfeboro, New Hampshire

The lecturer explored recurrent themes that were the basis for laughter. Early New Hampshire settlers made fun of the clergy, lawyers, doctors, sex, or ethnicity, particularly, the Irish. Jokes often centered on a contrast of the sophisticated, educated person with the country bumpkin.

Additionally, people enjoy laughing at themselves, or their situations, for the sake of comic relief. An audience member mentioned the television series, “Mash,” as a modern day example; and another person recalled the movie, “Glory,” to illustrate that same point.

Professor Clark read quite a few examples of early, published humor, especially notable quotes from “NH Farmer’s Journal and the Farmer’s Weekly Museum,” (a name that changed a few times), based in Walpole, New Hampshire, and primarily written by Harvard-trained lawyers who wrote many “lawyer jokes,” thereby making fun of themselves. “The Walpole Wits,” as they were called, succeeded in producing a publication with an extraordinary circulation for their time.

Citing another source, the presenter shared the story of a man who wanted to steal a pound of butter from a Vermont country store. He put it under his hat and tried to slip out the door. The storekeeper realized what was happening and invited the man to sit down next to a hot fireplace and cordially provided him with a hot toddies, which made him very “hot.” Butter soon began to drip down the man’s clothes and when he was thoroughly saturated, the storekeeper thanked him for providing so much amusement, and said that the price of a pound of butter had been worth it all.

When the audience was asked to share something that they found humorous, I mentioned the Irish song about a sweet old dearie, retiring for the night. The verse goes: “She was pullin’ ‘em up, and pullin’ ‘em down, and forgot to pull down the shade.”

.

We have attended ten nightly educational events of this kind this summer and have to say that we have thoroughly enjoyed them. From Dr. Martin Fox’s “History of Photography,” to Edie Clark’s discussion of regional cooking, to three memorable musical programs, and many other worthwhile programs, I believe I’ve probably mentioned all of these events on this blog. So, scroll backwards to other pages to see those comments. Many thanks to Dr. Clark for this most recent, delightful program!

lake in Wolfeboro

View of Lake Winnipesaukee, at sunset, across from the Libby Museum

One presenter, Steve Blunt, who reenacts the character of “John Hutchinson” of The Hutchinson Family Singers, is a consummate showman who dresses in period costume. He tells me that he will be performing at Eastern States Exposition on September 25, 2009, in the morning, with the gal who sometimes accompanies him. We enjoyed seeing him at the Hancock Public Library. I can’t say enough about the NH Humanities Council’s dedication to providing excellent speakers and presenters!

By the way, the Libby Museum offers many interesting artifacts including an early schoolgirl Sampler, a piece of buy viagra canada online pharmacy cloth from Hawaii, and a coin from Pres. Harrison’s campaign, just a few of their many treasures. In 1912, Dr. Henry Forest Libby started the museum as one to focus on natural history. Since then, many additional items have been added. We hope to visit there again soon!

Ever a learner!

Patricia Cummings

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Tuesday, May 5th, 2009

A favorite food in my family of origin was Lima Bean Soup. My mother claimed it was a southern dish to which she was partial because of her “heritage.” No matter that she spent only five years as a Georgia Peach! She made this soup often, usually with cornbread. The men all loved it. Any repairman who showed up in her small town would be given a bowl or two of this potent soup. Of course, the wives had to have the recipe, after hearing their husbands’ raves, and so the trend of making Lima Bean Soup spread throughout town. Many a woman did not like the soup, for reasons I cannot divulge. My mother’s own son’s family referred to it as, “Oh, The Beans Floating in Water Soup.” Some folks have no respect. If you have water, salt pork, salt, dried Lima Beans, and an onion, you’re good to go. Of course, she got more elaborate in her old age, adding carrots and calling it “Pioneer Lima Bean Soup.” “Rooty-toot-toot for the moon” is a phrase that takes on new meaning, when fondly remembering Mother’s Lima Bean Soup.

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Tuesday, October 28th, 2008

An American comedian who now works the British circuit has a few things to say in an online video. Two of his thoughts stick in my mind. The first regards the run for the American presidency. His assessment is that anyone who wakes up thinking that his country cannot exist without his leading it may be either insane or extremely narcissistic. The second thought he reveals is that Brits do not wish each other a good day and, in fact, don’t care whether anyone else buy viagra canada online pharmacy a good day. On the other hand, they don’t shoot you in the head either, so chances are better that you buy viagra canada online pharmacy have a good day.

Humorists are often not appreciated enough, and lately, it seems that all we hear about are problems and certainly, not just the issues in America. Whenever we can find a humorous side to anything, it is good to embrace it. For example, I sometimes share outrageous remarks with friends just to hear them laugh. Humor keeps everyone on their toes, and probably expands not only the quality of life but the length of it, too.

I’ve been chatty the last few days on this blog, and have not gotten into my studio to quilt or embroider or draw, for a seemingly very long time. There has been too much on my mind that is distracting. However, I am happy to have a husband who spends more time than I do, seeking out weird and unusual facts on the Internet, that can be highly amusing.

What comprises humor? Often, it is the unexpected, like overhearing one side of a phone conversation between a librarian. and her husband/ paramedic who was reporting that “The patient will be alright. He was just blown down by the wind.” The re-telling of that report sent me into gales of laughter, as I pictured the event happening. The scenario tickled my funny bone and I was just about ready to roll on the office floor and kick up my heels. Dead-pan seriousness gets me every time. Hey, we never will get out of this life alive, so why not enjoy what we can?

Pat

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Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008

Oh, how I love the British comedy, “Keeping Up Appearances!” I love it so much, I’ve modeled my behavior after the protagonist, “Hyacinth,” who answers the phone with “Bouquet (Boo-kkkkkk) Residence, Lady of the House Speaking.”

When I engage in that buy viagra canada online pharmacy of pre-conversation greeting, my friends laugh because they know me, my relatives are baffled (not that they call me that often), and other people don’t know what to make of it.

Now, with all of the political calls, I feel that one has to confuse the enemy … somehow. To that end, the other afternoon I answered the phone with “Buenas tardes,” delivered in such a convincing way, I imagine the person on the other end of the line (a political campaigner) may have wondered if he’d reached “an illegal,” working as a maid.

Life is about taking a few minutes to not take yourself or anything else too seriously. There are enough emergencies, devastations, and personal tragedies to last anyone a lifetime. That is why we need television shows such as the comedies that air on British TV and are piped across the pond to us.

“Hyacinth,” as a character, is a gross exaggeration of someone who would like to be viewed as a member of high society. She goes out of her way to be seen, to travel in the right social circles, and to hold teas using her Royal Daulton chinaware. With it, she can terrorize her poor sister with fear that she might break the china, as she is a known klutz who becomes even more clumsy because of Hyacinth’s fussing.

I love the counterfoil of “Hyancinth’s character,” the heavy set, unshaven, seemingly “low-brow” brother-in-law, Onslo. His wife has been praying for some marital “action” for years, but it never happens – it’s just her dream and fantasy. Onslo and his family always seem to show up in their broken down car whenever Hyacinth might be embarrassed by their presence, at which point they are directed to drive around the block until the coast is clear.

Good comedy portrays real life, exaggerated to some extent. So it was with the irreverent skits of Monty Python, resulting in classic studies in human behavior, I might add. I took a great liking to certain skits – like “I’m a Lumberjack and I’m ok,” and “The Church of the Divine Looney,” and “Trafalgar Square.”

I’m sorry, but I don’t understand people who are so straight-laced that they can’t find something to laugh at. Most of us can start by laughing at the absurdity of the things that happen to us.

My most memorable laugh-a-thon was when I was visiting San Diego in 1989 and my nieces took me to the Comedy Club. I was laughing so hard, I just about fell off the chair (and was not drinking, so don’t blame it on that). The show was hilarious! As much as I enjoy humor, I could never be that funny! However, it affords a little personal joy when I say, “Cummings residence, Lady of the House speaking,” and I hear a slow ripple of laughter coming from the party calling.

G’day to you.

Patricia Cummings

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Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007

Look around your house. Do you see your family members standing around the kitchen counter to eat, rather than sitting down at the dining room table? If you are a quilter, and the answer to that question is “yes,” you may be one of the victims of HTMS syndrome. HTMS is characterized by having every flat surface in your home covered with sewing machines, sergers, quilt magazines, fabrics, collected textiles, a camera, quilt books, spools of thread, and sewing implements.

HTMS (better known as “have too much stuff”) is a common malady among quilters who have been “at it” for some time now. The magazines reproduce, like little bunny rabbits, during the night. Every day, you wake up, and there seems to be more, yet, the other side of this syndrome, HTMS, is CGROA (can’t get rid of anything.)

You’d best be aware of these too situations. In some cases, they have led to divorce. In other cases, they have precipitated an afternoon in bed while you ponder what you can possibly do to “downsize.” Take the word, “downsize,” … please!

Downsizing is attempted by the well-meaning person and the idea goes well until decisions must be made. The internal conversation goes something like this, “Oh, no, I cannot possibly part with the original painting that little Bart made in kindergarten, and I will never give away the hat with homemade roses made of construction paper, made by Aunt Flossie in the nursing home. Her creative talents really shone through at the age of ninety.” We can think up all kinds of reasons for keeping all kinds of things, and therein lies the true problem.

Other Warning Signs

The main characteristic of those who have these co-existing maladies (HTMS and CGROA) is that they save everything. Part of the disorder is being HTAC (happier than a clam) to hoard material goods.

With “downsizing” being the buzz word of baby boomers, we will hear more and more groans about these sudden attacks of the above syndromes that conflict with each other. It’s a dilemma with which we will have to deal, lest all those decisions are taken out of hands, in one fell swoop, by fate. I don’t know about you, but the thought of someone else going through my stash of things could make me break out in hives, and that, in itself, is a good incentive to buckle down and start dispensing with some of my earthly goods.

Besides that, maybe if I clear out a few items, we’ll actually be able to find the surface of the table again, to enjoy eating there. :)
Patricia Cummings, geezerette

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Sunday, August 19th, 2007

Here are a few tips on how to spot a true Yankee, that is, someone from northern New England, say, New Hampshire, Vermont, or Maine, preferably a born and bred native. If you are not already a true Yankee, consider this: too many years are required to “become” one, and by that time, you’d be dead. So, if that is your situation, adjust to your status of “newcomer.” Whether you’ve lived here ten years or forty, newcomer you will be.

A true Yankee has some, but perhaps not all, of the following characteristics:

1) He wears his pants too short. This may be a habit with roots in childhood. Having short pants could be advantageous when walking through a cow pasture, for example, and could help dear old Mom cut down on laundry time, hauling water from the pump and heating it to wash clothes, or else beating the clothes on the rocks of a nearby stream. Ah, but now, I do exaggerate!

2) The true Yankee, always wears a hat on his head, except in the House of the Lord. The hat is to hide a balding head or the lack of a haircut, and the hat is ceremoniously removed when a person is desirous of a senior citizen discount at a local fast-food eatery.

3) We northern New England Yankees have heard of them there Ivy League schools, and we know that the folks in Texas, for example, think we have ALL gone to either Harvard, Yale, or Smith. The fact is, most of us haven’t. The only “ivy” with which we have much experience is that “poison ivy” growing in the backyard.

4) Now, you may have heard that Yankees are “cheap.” I want you to know that the word is a total misnomer, yes, completely misleading. We are “selective spenders.” There is a difference. A certain relative of ours prefers to substitute the word “frugal” for “cheap,” when it comes to her spending habits. We reserve the word “cheap” for paid “ladies of the night,” and sleazy motels with bedbugs.

5) Yankees enjoy the simple pleasures of life…like ignoring the neighbors! Oh, yes, they may be nice people. We will never know. We “tend to our own knitting,” and nothing would be more obnoxious than to constantly have our lives interrupted by someone dropping in for a spot of tea. Anti-social, we are not…well, maybe a tad. Perhaps, I should say we are “busy” – sounds more friendly.

There you have it, a few tips on how to spot a Yankee. Look for the too-short pants, the white socks (health is a BIG concern), the balding head with hat, or not, the indecisive penny-pincher who lingers over items in the store, weighing and balancing and counting change, and the neighbor who waves, but quickly goes inside.

We are a friendly bunch…just don’t push the issue.

Patricia Cummings, born and raised in the Granite State :-)

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Sunday, August 12th, 2007

The price of gas has skyrocketed recently in North Pomfret, Vermont. See photo below, sent to us by Charlotte Croft.

The Price of Gas in N. Pomfret, VT

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Monday, June 4th, 2007

Being old has its advantages. For example, we do not have to eat proper meals at proper times with proper ingredients, to set a good example for the children, although we do usually try to stay on the nutritious side of things. However, we both consider chocolate to be one of the major food groups, being the comfort food that it is, and it’s also supposed to do something good for your brain. At least that’s my excuse for eating it.

Well, today, Jim is still fighting with some bugs that are trying to kill him. Being a dutiful wife that I am, I did offer to get a flashlight and look into his throat to ascertain if I could see any white spots. Being an agreeable sort, he said I buy viagra canada online pharmacy…but he didn’t really think it necessary. I was relieved.

He does have some good ideas, that man! He suggested making a chocolate cake and calling it supper.

I, being the dutiful wife, (am I being redundant?), got out the cake mix, the confectioner’s sugar, the eggs, the oil, the measuring cups, the pans and I all but mixed up the cake myself, leaving that to his joy and sense of accomplishment. The cake is out of the oven now, and smells so good! I have hardly baked at all, in a coon’s age, really, ever since we heard that transfats are so unhealthy, and ever since I discovered an allergy to soy (which is in everything, as it turns out.)

So, we shall enjoy chocolate cake for supper, with a cup of coffee, and if we want to be really bad, with a scoop of ice cream – (which I can justify because of all that good calcium in dairy products.)

Now, here is the clincher. I’ll have to stop and tell you a little story. The other night, we were outside, taking advantage of the lovely, early evening natural light to photograph some items. I was bent over, and Jim was standing behind me. Do you know what he did? That devil! Yes, he took a picture! I was hopping up and down mad. He calls these kind of things his “candid” shots. Ha, ha, ha. He says that he “wants something to remember me by.” Oh, my!

Now, I ask you, how can I possibly enjoy that chocolate cake when I have the memory of the size of my posterior burned into my brain? I tell you, it was mean, mean, mean, – meaner than a junk yard dog, to snap that photo! The answer to that? He says, “What fun is it, if you can’t tease the girls?” That man. You gotta love him. At least he’s honest, and hey, he bakes pretty darned good chocolate cakes, too. :-)

Pat

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Tuesday, April 24th, 2007

This morning, I found an online file of quotes from H.L. Mencken, a person who has been called one of the most influential writers of the twentieth century. I delight in his way of looking at the world. He was quoted once as having said that if one wanted to make his ghost happy, to just wink at an ugly girl.

I suppose it is no wonder that I like Mencken. I also enjoyed the radical, satirical, “Week That Was” television show of the 1960s. Humor seems to never grow old. More often, it is timeless, and helps us to deal with the reality of the world as we know it to be.

Now, I will re-direct you, momentarily, to the site with a few quotes. I hope you’ll come back to visit me! Here it is:


Pat

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Wednesday, April 4th, 2007

If you enjoy Yankee Humor, you will like reading the stories on this webpage from April’s edition of .

buy viagra canada online pharmacy Christmas letter this year, but please, make it comical, and folks, please send me a copy.

Pat :)

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Thursday, November 2nd, 2006

This morning, Jim and I were riding down a country road in a town that we do not usually visit, mainly because the seemingly only center of attraction there is a little post office. We had inadvertently taken a “wrong” road, and were trying to reconnect with a series of roads that would eventually bring us to Vermont.

As we drove down a little incline, we spotted an amazing sight. Two front lawn trees were completely “decorated” from top to bottom with white bathroom tissue. At first glance, they looked heavily laden with snow and icicles, before our minds had had a chance to register what we were seeing.

toilet paper tree

Someone in that little town may have gone without one of the necessities of life today, although I suppose anyone could reclaim the wealth of paper products on the tree, just by pulling the paper back off.

Doesn’t it make you wonder what gets into people? Can you imagine kids complaining that they didn’t have any decorations for the yard for Halloween, and their parents, unwittingly suggesting that they get creative? But, how, one wonders did they reach the very top of the tall trees?
Luckily, that amusing sight was just the beginning of a very pleasant day together. We like to get away every now and then. It gives us a chance to talk at length and sort things out and make decisions. The countryside will too soon be filled with other white stuff: snow! Then, we will be less willing to venture out on this type of a safari.

Pat

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