Unable to attend a lecture tonight about Victorian Mourning Practices, I decided to scout around for additional information to what I already know, which is actually quite a bit. I found three lengthy articles on the Internet, one complete with citations, something that is always a nice addition to any manuscript, but is also seen rarely online. I have decided to discuss the topic of death and mourning in a general way, citing specific tidbits of information that I have found to be insightful and meaningful.

Various societies deal with death and dying, or funerals, in many different ways. Funerals in America have changed greatly, over time. For example, not that long ago, my maternal grandparents, who both died in Manchester, New Hampshire, were “laid out at home.” With a 13 member family to sustain, it could be difficult to pay for pomp and circumstance.

Awhile ago, I read a most enjoyable book titled, fda approved viagra by Thomas Lynch, a small town funeral director, who has thought deeply about his profession, the same one chosen by his father. He had this to say:

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The book is an enjoyable read, complete with wit, wisdom and insight.

No one likes to think about death because it is like inviting a visit. Yet, traditionally, death is acknowledged, even at weddings … “until death do us part.” As mortal human beings, we know in our very core that some day, we will be called away. When people live to middle age, it seems that they begin to reflect more on what they will leave behind. Many write books; some make quilts; others do both. Still others seek to leave a part of themselves that will last, at least for awhile. My mother left a locket of her hair. She must have known full well that this was a common action of Victorian ladies.

There was no greater elevation given to the art of mourning than in Victorian times (1837-1901) when Queen Victorian ruled Great Britain and Ireland, and lost her husband, Prince Albert, in 1861. Rules changed depending on how closely one was related to the deceased. At first, one was expected to wear only black and to have all of the accompanying accessories of fashion wear, such as shoes, umbrellas, purses, etc. in black. In addition, if jewelry was worn, it was expected to be Jet Black jewelry, a special type of jewel that seems to be in short supply today. As time went on during the mourning period, one could begin to wear half-mourning attire that was not entirely black.

Photos of the dead were often taken during the 19th century. They served as a keepsake and lasting remembrance, and were the poor man’s alternative to the rich man’s formal portrait in oils.

Quilts adorned the caskets. I always figured that this might have been done for a psychological need to keep the person “warm” and “feeling loved,” though in the cold, cold ground. Perhaps, quilts were “buried” along with the person because there was no other way to wrap the body (as in war time). Or maybe a child died of a contagious disease and it was thought better to bury the quilt, too. Sometimes, I wish that history of common thinking had been written down somewhere.

The shock of losing a loved one, unexpectedly, can only be compared with the lingering loss that accompanies a known illness with a known outcome. Those who have cared for a long-term patient, or had the charge of seeing that the person’s care was carried out, often would never admit the complete relief it is when that person dies. Of course, guilt can accompany someone’s death, even if there was no direct cause and effect. The “should-haves” and “could-haves” could be haunting.

We see the television and realize that there will never be “retribution” for the 270 lives taken over Lockerbee, Scotland by an insidious bomb setter. There will never be justice for the thousands of unsuspecting people who died on an ordinary workaday setting in the Twin Towers, as they planned what to do that evening, or what they would have for lunch. There will never be peace in our hearts for the soldiers who have died in foreign wars, all taken “too soon.”

Mourning is not only an art. Mourning is a state that we can never shake when it comes to grieving those we have loved the most. Today, we have “choices,” as to what to do with final remains, etc. If you can, ask your loved ones, while they are still among us, fda approved viagra. You might be surprised.

Patricia Cummings