I don’t mind getting older or being older. I do mind having birthdays. The reason for that is the disparity between birthdays of the past and birthdays now. When I was a child, my mother made a big deal out of birthdays. Always, there would be a cake that she made, always delicious, in memory. There would also be thoughtful gifts that she had acquired during the year, so as to spread out the cost perhaps, or just to gather them to have on hand. They would be wrapped and finished off with a frilly ribbon that she would curl, from ribbon sold on a roll. She was the queen of seeking and collecting fancy greeting cards to give for any occasion.
Pat standing in front of the rose bushes in her front yard. 6-3-09.
With all of my family either living far away, dead, or indifferent, birthdays are just not the same. Any celebration is held before the day, but often, on the actual day, I am completely alone for a good part of the day because of work schedules. This year will be the same.
A long time ago, my sister made the outrageous statement that her “family” consisted of her friends. The remark infuriated my mother who felt discounted because of it. As I become older, I am beginning to understand my sibling’s thoughts. We don’t always like the people to whom we are genetically-connected. However, we do get to choose our friends, and sometimes are in contact with them, daily or weekly, and more often than our remaining family.
We all mean well. Time and distance are barriers to deep relationships and over time, people can grow apart. Relationships can never be taken for granted. They must be cultivated, nurtured, and allowed to grow.
Getting older is just fine with me. I look at the white hair in the mirror and am beginning to see my mother. She had a certain dignity and inner beauty that cannot be explained, although she could act in ways that were a put-off, at times. She was good-hearted, but a real character study.
I am happy to have saved some old greeting cards. A drawer full of them reminds me of people who have professed to love me, in the past, many of them now departed. Cards are sparse these days and replaced with e-greetings, or no birthday greetings at all. Nonetheless, my closest friends have remembered my birthday this year, sending their heartfelt cards and gifts from afar, and those gifts and good wishes are deeply appreciated.
I can always count on my husband, Jim, to do special things for at least a week before the actual day. Tomorrow will be a continuation of that treatment as he has invited me on a special “date” that we will both enjoy. The difference between “dates,” then and now, is that often we are given senior citizen discounts.
The blessing of expecting nothing is that when one receives something, it is a surprise from out of the blue.
If you are young and have a young family, you probably will not understand any of these remarks.
Life is different now than when I was young, but what is one to do? We can only treasure the past, in our memories, and at the same time, let it go. So, instead of bemoaning the fact that I will be alone on my special day, I will welcome the time to look back at all that I have accomplished, and consider the work that remains for me to do. As the lyrics of a song goes, ” … and still I’m on my way.”
Pat
Pat,
I love to read your blogs no matter the subject.
If we don’t count the pouring rain, then the “date” was great! We hope to visit many more historic sites throughout the summer. Thanks for your good wishes!
Happiest Birthday! Hope that your “date” was a good one!