Too often, when I am trying to write something, at my computer, the phone rings. Now, mind you, I always love to hear from my family or friends, so if any of you are reading this, my words are not intended for you.
Lately, most of the calls have been from telemarketers. The tell-tale signs are there: background sounds of other people talking and phones ringing, a foreign-sounding voice (sometimes they are calling from another country), or an oh-too-cheerful tone, and sense of familiarity.
The call might start with, “Mrs. Cummings, how are YOU today?” I am always tempted to provide a running account of my latest ailments, beginning with the crook in my neck from having slept the wrong way and ending with a full account of the bad Chinese food I’d eaten the night before and the dire consequences. I try to refrain. My goal is to get off the phone, as quickly as possible.
Most of these calls are baffling because we are on the national “do not call” list, for solicitations. However, the kicker is that if you have ever bought something previously from a company, they are “exempt” because of a “prior business relationship.” Businesses can be called, period, and my home phone number doubles as a “business” phone, as I work from home.
CASE IN POINT
Yesterday, I received a call early in the morning. The woman said, “Is this Mr./Mrs. Cummings”? I was sure that I was one of the two, but that early, before a cup of coffee, I had to stop and wonder what she was getting at, and which person I wanted to “confess” to being! I mean, do I sound like a “Mr. Cummings”?
Then there are the faux police/ faux firemen who call and ask for donations, or for you to buy tickets to such and such a concert, and if you don’t like the band, you could just provide your credit card number and they will take care of the donation. I bet. I can even imagine that they might help you to divest yourself of any wealth, whatsoever.
CREATIVE APPROACH
I try to be creative when I answer the phone now. Taking a more light-hearted approach, I sometimes say, “Cummings residence, lady of the house speaking,” modeled after Hyacinth on the British comedy, “Keeping Up Appearances,” one of my favorite shows. I render this vocalization with such sincerity of tone, my friends burst into laughter. That makes my day. Other callers just get confused for a moment which, sometimes, is not a bad thing.
ARE YOU BEING PAID?
My aunt used to take a more direct approach that bordered on a terrorist tactic. She would ask a phone solicitor this: “Are you being paid for your time?” Inevitably, the person would say, “Why, yes!” Then she would say, “Well, I am not! Good-bye!”
She has a point! Time is a precious commodity, and these solicitation calls are exceedingly annoying because they waste time. I will never provide a credit card number to someone calling me on the phone, and you’d think by now, after hundreds of calls, and hundreds of equally abrupt retorts and hang-ups, the message would be spread to the folks who are paid to interrupt me. Why don’t they “get it”? It has been said that the definition of “Insanity” is doing the same thing, over and over, yet expecting a different outcome each time. Nope. Can’t get blood out of a stone,” and “Can’t get $$ out of a “frugal” Yankee.”
Scammers, wise up! This chick is not “a spring chick” and was not hatched yesterday. I’m onto you. Call me with nonsense, and you’ll get what you get – Nothing.
Moving on to other diversions. Thanks for listening. 
Patricia
