One day, when we were in the shopping mall, I told Jim that I wanted to go into the card shop. Since shops like that are not his “thing,” he said he’d wait outside. I knew what I wanted to buy, so I headed right to that area. I had reasoned that whenever I hear of a death, I never have an appropriate card on hand, to send to the bereaved, so I thought I’d “stock up” on a few nice Sympathy cards.
Well, in that section, I saw an older gentleman whom I thought I recognized, but I was not quite sure the context of our previous connection. As I stood pondering the wide selection of cards, and perusing the verses of a few of them, he turned to me and said, “Did you know the person well? Was there much suffering involved, or did death come quickly?”
Mistaking my lack of a ready answer for my being overcome with grief, he said, “Oh, I am so sorry, I know it’s hard, please accept my sympathy,” and off he went.
Never have I felt more foolish, or more loved by a total stranger. He was reaching out to comfort me, at a time that he thought I had lost someone close and needed comfort. As it turned out, I turned on my heel and left the store, realizing my folly.
Condolences should not be dealt with in a mass market, one size fits all, kind of way. Even if, in lacking a more formal greeting card, I end up scribbling a few lines on a note card, sending an e-card with a few words, or simply expressing my feelings, in person, I shall probably never consider “buying cards ahead” again.
I guess, unwittingly, I was following in the tracks of my late mother. She would make a career of buying cards for every possible occasion, just to have on hand. Some of those cards are “antique” by now, and quaint to look at, and some became so mildewed, they ended up in the landfill before they reached any recipient.
Condolences must come from the heart, to be sincere, and no matter how many “canned message” cards one has on hand, they do not take the place of a personal touch. I shall always remember the unknown man, who lightly touched my arm, and looked into my eyes that day, and sincerely told me how sorry he was for my loss (that had not yet happened!).
God bless all who love, deeply and sincerely. May they find joy, in their going out and in their coming in, and may the fruits of their goodness beget the goodness in others.
Have a great day!
Pat
